Big Blogs Don't Cry

They're your ears, so go ahead and listen to Robert Downey Jr.'s new single if you want. (Or, if you don't have iTunes, just grab something out of the catbox and jam it deep into your ear canal with a rusty sewing needle.)

I've always admired Mr. Downey's performances - even Weird Science. His life, not so admirable. When he woke up in a neighbor's child's bedroom after a drug binge, though, at least he could blame the drugs. What's his excuse for wandering into a recording studio?

Side A is the world's worst Peter Gabriel impression, somewhat elevated in stature by Side B, the world's worst Springsteen impression. So why would a successful, critically lauded actor want to become the world's worst lounge singer? Who knows? But it does shed some light onto the growing "I Can't Believe It's Not a Blog!" controversy.

In the jockeying for the 2004 Weblog Awards, Hollywood's very worst excesses are on parade, cyber-style (see below). Hopefully, though, things will shake out, and a few rules will emerge. For example:

1. Big Blogs Don't Cry - Admittedly, it was (via Power Line) The Corner's reaction to/realization that "as a blog The Corner...sucks" that tore it, for me at least. As a singer, Robert Downey Jr. is an outstanding actor, and as a blogger, Jonah Goldberg et al are an exceptional magazine. That is, you can't be on the staff of NR, make regular appearances on TV, publish books, etc., and then cry 'cause your blog's in second frigging place. Memo to self: check availablility of worldssmallestviolin.com.
2. Karaoke Night is Tuesday, Asswipe - If you want applause for warbling "Feelings" in front of a bunch of drunks, there's a time and place - check your local listings. If you want to be on TV news, go forge some documents. If you're goal is to solicit scorn and derision from strangers worldwide, click the Blogger link below and get typing.
3. You Will Be Rewarded in Heaven - My mother always used to say that, and it really pissed me off. Still, I'm hoping the Weblog Awards prize is a big drool cup physically akin to the Stanley, 'cause apparently it's the must-have of 2004, and otherwise sane people are making Indiana Jones look tame in his quest for the Lost Ark.

More later, or not.