Queer Studies

Feces-Swapping 101 tests poorly with students; renamed "Creating Dialogue"
Pinhead academicians ask, "Is there a difference?"

You've probably read by now about the University of Michigan's proposed three-credit Gender and Sexuality requirement. Even though The Michigan Daily's very first sentence on the subject begins, "A student-led initiative," I'll guarantee you there are faculty members involved and pushing hard to impose this requirement.

In my experience, at least, some college faculty (most likely those with the "Keep Your Laws Off My Body" bumper stickers) view their students as sex toys. Not necessarily physically (though I've seen that as well), but mentally. You may be a withering succubus with graying straw for hair and a desk drawer full of Jackson '88 stickers, but at least you can relive those Summer of Love moments vicariously through a room full of sexually liberated kids. Natch, you're bummed that you missed the chance to explore your pan-sexuality back in the day, but now you can take the next generation of gays and lesbians under your wing. (Anyone else hear the caller to Rush Limbaugh a few weeks back? The high-school teacher from the Carolinas who saw it as her responsibility to shepherd these vulnerable young gay souls and protect them from the cruel hetero world?)

This requirement certainly seems like an attempt to keep the toybox open for these sensitive, mentoring academic types. It is proposed that the requirement "will create new dialogues," and it will almost certainly squelch quite a few dialogues as well. Hell, the prof who was sleeping with her students is probably working right now to change my grade retroactively for all the "hate speech" I've spewed here so far, even going so far as to admit listening to Rush Limbaugh. Obviously, I didn't learn anything in college.

That was in the '80s, and my requirement at the time was six credits of "Other Cultures." An English major, I took a Middle Eastern Studies class and a Russian literature class. I did enjoy Russian lit immensely. Perhaps in retrospect I didn't feel coerced by the requirement, because the Russian lit class was actually about...wait for it...Russian literature.

The sneaky thing is, you don't need to major in Queer Studies to get a major helping of queer studies -- the English faculty will likely take care of that for you. Just for fun, click here to perform your own Google search on English and queer theory. (Note: This search is specific to English...not psychology, not sociology, not biology, not even health or phys ed.) As an example, here's USC's sampling of queer specialists, mingled with concentrations in post-colonialism and feminism (what academic types call anti-Americanism, anti-Capitalism, anti-Westernism, etc.).

Here's a suggestion for U of M's Gender and Sexuality Requirement Committee. Fuck off. Take your requirement and stick it in one of those places you teach about in English class. Offer whatever course you like, be open about what it is you're offering, and then make it an elective, not mandatory. That is, unless you really don't care about "creating new dialogues" at all.

UPDATE: John J. Miller offers sage advice: Don't laugh.