The Kids Are All Right

"Mom, can I have $15 bucks for a T-shirt?"

"I can't believe it. You still complain to this day because we named you 'River,' and now you want an 'I Love Social Security' shirt? Do you like getting beat up at school?"

"But mom, it's from Rock the Vote. All the cool kids will be wearing one. Political activism is so in right now!"

"I don't know. Don't they have any other shirts?"

"Not really. There's a Rock the Vote black thong. Your girlfriend might like it."

"I wish you wouldn't call her that. Judy is my life partner."

"Whatever. I'm calling dad. At least he's still cool."