Hurricane Katrina Traced to Kanye West
I'm not saying that Kanye West personally is directly responsible for Hurricane Katrina and its devastation. Still, in using a speeded-up sample of Chaka Kahn (after The Chimpmunks held out for five figures) as the backdrop for his "Through The Wire" single, West had to know that the evil robot overlords behind the record industry would tried to cash in with hastily produced imitations.
"Marketingbot!" yells Universalbot into the intercom. "DJ Payolabot is airing 'Through the Wire' ... after only one payment! We didn't even give him the blow yet. Get whoever's in the building in the studio, and speed up some old crap in the background. Jesus, I don't care! Anything!" And so we have Akon's rip of Bobby Vinton's "Mr. Lonely," which will likely inspire a few rip-offs of its own, until I kill the whole trend myself next year by rapping pro-Bush lyrics over a slowed-down Chipmunks record.
Anyhow, you can't expect to put out a record that sucks so very much as "Lonely" and not expect the earth's atmosphere to just play along. The resultant vacuum produced by so much aural suckage between Chicago and New Jersey literally drew Katrina ashore.
All of the hot air spewed by Kanye West since has even me shopping for flood insurance here in Cleveland, but the man still won't shut up. Clearly, Kanye West doesn't care about white people.
P.S. I didn't see the whole Kanyethon mess. I was out of town, in white upstate New York, driving through a tiny little white town and stuffing five bucks into the boot of a young white fireman who was standing in the road collecting for hurricane victims. Of course, I'd already donated at the request of the white cashier working at Whitey Whiteman's grocery store. Until I heard Kanye, I didn't even think of writing "For White People Only" on the bill. Ah, well.
"Marketingbot!" yells Universalbot into the intercom. "DJ Payolabot is airing 'Through the Wire' ... after only one payment! We didn't even give him the blow yet. Get whoever's in the building in the studio, and speed up some old crap in the background. Jesus, I don't care! Anything!" And so we have Akon's rip of Bobby Vinton's "Mr. Lonely," which will likely inspire a few rip-offs of its own, until I kill the whole trend myself next year by rapping pro-Bush lyrics over a slowed-down Chipmunks record.
Anyhow, you can't expect to put out a record that sucks so very much as "Lonely" and not expect the earth's atmosphere to just play along. The resultant vacuum produced by so much aural suckage between Chicago and New Jersey literally drew Katrina ashore.
All of the hot air spewed by Kanye West since has even me shopping for flood insurance here in Cleveland, but the man still won't shut up. Clearly, Kanye West doesn't care about white people.
P.S. I didn't see the whole Kanyethon mess. I was out of town, in white upstate New York, driving through a tiny little white town and stuffing five bucks into the boot of a young white fireman who was standing in the road collecting for hurricane victims. Of course, I'd already donated at the request of the white cashier working at Whitey Whiteman's grocery store. Until I heard Kanye, I didn't even think of writing "For White People Only" on the bill. Ah, well.
1 Comments:
I don't know of any other pop culture commentator able to fuse an insider's understanding of the music industry with the weather, but I think it's the wave of the future. Can't wait for the rap album.
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