Quick, Someone Dial 9-1
...and then dial 1 again if I show any signs of dying of laughter during tonight's cablecast of Earth to America -- two friggin' hours of "A-list comics" telling global warming jokes. And, um, raising awareness.
Wow, Jack Black and Ben Stiller and Larry "my wife is making me do this" David "educating the country" about the environment. I hear that Ted Danson is going to appear and deliver a special eulogy for the world's oceans, which according to his mid-'80s TV appearances, all died in the mid-'90s. You know, I think I miss the Atlantic ocean the most.
Nevermind the science! Here's Jeffrey Tambor in a funny suit!
You know what? I'm a conservative. And I walk to the bus stop to catch the bus to the train stop. And not once have I bumped into Robert Redford or Tom Hanks or Barbra Streisand. And in my entire lifetime I'll never consume a fraction of the paper, electricity, gasoline, and bull excrement it takes to produce Shallow Hal or maintain Barbra's Malibu mansion or drag U2's inane "Pop-Mart" caravan around the world. Bono must be pedalling that 10-speed pretty fast to make it from Davos to Washington D.C. to Africa in a week.
You know, I used to be distracted by the so-called "terrorist threat." But having read of the mass car-burnings in France and Belgium, I realize now that young Islamists are actually trying to help us rid the world of air pollution. Thanks, lads, for showing us the real danger!
Anyhoo, I'm gonna do my part by tuning in tonight using only my TV and the Coldplay (tm)-brand solar charger...the same one the band use to power their globetrotting stage show!
Wow, Jack Black and Ben Stiller and Larry "my wife is making me do this" David "educating the country" about the environment. I hear that Ted Danson is going to appear and deliver a special eulogy for the world's oceans, which according to his mid-'80s TV appearances, all died in the mid-'90s. You know, I think I miss the Atlantic ocean the most.
Nevermind the science! Here's Jeffrey Tambor in a funny suit!You know what? I'm a conservative. And I walk to the bus stop to catch the bus to the train stop. And not once have I bumped into Robert Redford or Tom Hanks or Barbra Streisand. And in my entire lifetime I'll never consume a fraction of the paper, electricity, gasoline, and bull excrement it takes to produce Shallow Hal or maintain Barbra's Malibu mansion or drag U2's inane "Pop-Mart" caravan around the world. Bono must be pedalling that 10-speed pretty fast to make it from Davos to Washington D.C. to Africa in a week.
You know, I used to be distracted by the so-called "terrorist threat." But having read of the mass car-burnings in France and Belgium, I realize now that young Islamists are actually trying to help us rid the world of air pollution. Thanks, lads, for showing us the real danger!
Anyhoo, I'm gonna do my part by tuning in tonight using only my TV and the Coldplay (tm)-brand solar charger...the same one the band use to power their globetrotting stage show!
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