Yes, I'm in Philadelphia for the most important event this weekend ... the missus' birthday. No, we're not attending Live 8. I might have considered it, but considering the acts that are featured here in Philly, the ticket price of zero dollars and zero cents was way the hell out of line.
(And another thing: Who cares how Sir Bob Geldof was able to put together this global concert in just one month AND give away the tickets ... what I want to know is how he got around the $4.75 Ticketmaster service charge. If he can do that, maybe he
can end poverty after all.)
We're staying with the in-laws, who are big on the morning "news" shows, so I'm getting a healthy dose of obsequious weekend-team coverage: "I talked to Bono earlier this morning."
Cut to interview. "Bono, may I start by saying, you are without question the greatest human being who ever lived?" "Why yes, Jessica, you may."
Yes, I'm a bitter person, but what do you expect when Bon Fucking Jovi is trying to raise my "awareness" of poverty in Africa? How can someone so unaware of how much rabid baboon ass he sucks know anything about macroeconomics?
I say we airdrop Duran Duran and A-Ha into Sudan and let them take care of the genocide there with their mad ninja skillz. "This is a little move I like to call ...
The REFLEX!"
