Blur the Line

You could consider me a minor (though respectful) Johnny Cash fan, and you could describe my interest in the new biopic Walk the Line as infintesimal at best. Growing up in the early '70s, nearly all of my exposure to Johnny Cash came via his and June Carter Cash's many televised appearances with the Reverend Billy Graham on his stadium crusades. Who's that guy who's always on with Billy Graham, Mom? That's Johnny Cash. Word association? Johnny Cash. "Billy Graham." Period.

When Cash died, I expected to hear something, some token word, about his Christianity and his evangelical tours with the Reverend Graham. All of the "hip" magazines dragged out publicity photos of Cash in front of a tattered and burned American flag and focused on his "troubled" life. No word on his work with Billy Graham, though.

Wondering if Graham would make an appearance in the film, I checked imdb.com and hit the full cast listing. Hmmm...Maid at Door, Lady in the Aisle, Pill Man. Dime Store Manager's Husband, Vegas Maid, Stage Hand. Lessee...Farmer's Wife, Jack the Drunk, Passionate Preacher. Passionate Preacher? Could it be?

Cash himself was a pretty passionate preacher, at least in my memory. Which apparently is the only place I'll ever see Graham and Cash appear together.

UPDATE: I'm at my mother's right now leafing through her copy of Just As I Am: The Autobiography of Billy Graham. Hollywood wasn't always interested in Johnny Cash (from page 436):

In 1971 June dreamed she saw her husband on a mountain with a Bible in his hand, talking about Jesus. The next year, they made a movie about the life of Jesus called The Gospel Road. Holiday Inns expressed interest in sponsoring it as a TV special, but the corporation wanted artistic as well as financial control. The Cashes said no; they wanted to tell the story their way. That meant they had to finance it themselves.

Johnny got his friends together -- Kris Kristofferson and the Statler Brothers, among others -- to write songs that would tell the story of Jesus. June played Mary Magdalene; Johnny himself narrated.

But...the Hollywood studio was having trouble marketing the movie.

"Well, Johnny," I [Graham] said to him, "we'll just buy it from them"..."Since then, it has been one of the best evangelistic film tools that the BGEA has had, with hundreds of prints in circulation. Missionaries are using it in video vans in Africa, India, and elsewhere."

"Yet one more reason to give thanks."

"Fact: Viagra can improve erections for guys with ED."

Thanks to the good folks at Pfizer for taking out that full-page ad in my Wall Street Journal to remind us all of the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

Improved erections.

Cheney vs. the X-Men

That flashing X over the Vice President's face on CNN was almost certainly a glitch. I mean, if a switcher can momentarily superimpose "SNIPERS WANTED" over video of candidate George W. Bush, we should be used to those flashing X's happening, like, all the time, a fortiori.

Quick, Someone Dial 9-1

...and then dial 1 again if I show any signs of dying of laughter during tonight's cablecast of Earth to America -- two friggin' hours of "A-list comics" telling global warming jokes. And, um, raising awareness.

Wow, Jack Black and Ben Stiller and Larry "my wife is making me do this" David "educating the country" about the environment. I hear that Ted Danson is going to appear and deliver a special eulogy for the world's oceans, which according to his mid-'80s TV appearances, all died in the mid-'90s. You know, I think I miss the Atlantic ocean the most.

Nevermind the science! Here's Jeffrey Tambor in a funny suit!

You know what? I'm a conservative. And I walk to the bus stop to catch the bus to the train stop. And not once have I bumped into Robert Redford or Tom Hanks or Barbra Streisand. And in my entire lifetime I'll never consume a fraction of the paper, electricity, gasoline, and bull excrement it takes to produce Shallow Hal or maintain Barbra's Malibu mansion or drag U2's inane "Pop-Mart" caravan around the world. Bono must be pedalling that 10-speed pretty fast to make it from Davos to Washington D.C. to Africa in a week.

You know, I used to be distracted by the so-called "terrorist threat." But having read of the mass car-burnings in France and Belgium, I realize now that young Islamists are actually trying to help us rid the world of air pollution. Thanks, lads, for showing us the real danger!


Anyhoo, I'm gonna do my part by tuning in tonight using only my TV and the Coldplay (tm)-brand solar charger...the same one the band use to power their globetrotting stage show!

Kick-Ass Kucinich: "Stand and Fight"

Ohio Congressman and former presidential candidate Dennis "The Democratic leadership should be pressing for quick withdrawal of all troops from Iraq" Kucinich votes against immediate withdrawal of troops.

He did said quick, not immediate. Nuance, people.

Poets Sought For Bus Project

RTA and the Poets' & Writers' League of Greater Cleveland are looking for poets to display their work on buses for Moving Minds: Verse and Vision Project.

Look no further:


Ride Happy or Ride Free

Why this bus smell like ass?
Damn. Bitch hollowin' out a blunt
Gettin' her shit all up in my weave.
Gonna feed you that cell phone, bitch.

Goddamn retard starin' again.
Shit, who sprayin' the Mo' Stank now?
Gonna get me a bangin' whip real damn soon. Damn!
Why this bus smell like ass?

Not to Alarm Anyone

But there's a 120-foot-high LeBron James outside my window this morning.

That's, like, 10 feet taller than the Colossus of Rhodes.

Just sayin'.

Million Dollar Idea No. 1

I'm going to do an American remake of the U.S. version of the BBC's The Office for U.K. audiences.

Thank God The Clown Was Spared

Profiles in Courage

So one of Danny Bonaduce's many love children with Carrot Top kicked off the "Drive Out the Bush Regime" afternoon Kool-Aid break and T-shirt sale with a rant about the poor media coverage. Then he points out a Fox television reporter in the -- wait, I almost said "crowd" -- um, standing nearby and accuses him of trying to keep the kiddies from ditching school to attend the rally. "That guy right over there!" Seeing a good way to start trouble and get in touch with my journalist roots, I make a bee line for Evil Fox News reporter and ask, "Is this true? Did you really try to keep Danny Bonaduce from leaving school?" (I don't watch local news, so I had to look him up online later: David Nethers of Fox 8.)

Mr. Nethers must have been intimidated by my hulking 5-foot-7 frame, 'cause he immediately says, "Hey, I'm with you guys, I vote Democrat!"

"Are you going to let him lie about you?" I ask. "Get up there!"

"I can't. I'm a journalist."

Declining Moonbat Population

Just got back from the noontime "Drive Out the Bush Regime" rally at Cleveland's Public Square. I'll post photos later, but in the interim, please note: anyone who claims the attendance was anywhere on the high side of 150, tops, is a lying greasy sack of moonbat turds. Here's betting the local rags call it "hundreds."

Updated with photos!


The world can't wait! The rally kicks off at high noon.


Cleveland's NASA Glenn Research Center will have to do without these two this afternoon.


Ah, by 12:20 p.m., the audience had doubled, nay, tripled in size!


Here's another wide shot from the back, just to get a sense of the scale of this popular uprising.

Who Are The Marketing Geniuses...

For a limited time, buy a Segway and receive a free GPS unit! You know, just in case you get hopelessly lost during your three-hour journey from the charger to your mailbox and back.