Disenfranchised!

You know the fit Lucy of Peanuts fame goes into when confronted with "dog germs?" That's what I want to see.

So it's Election Day in Ohio, and the missus and I are informed that the much-hyped Diebold voting machines (the ones rigged to vote for Bush in 2004) aren't working. Sure enough, the machines are sitting idle. So, we're told we'll have to fill out scan sheets instead -- the little "fill in the circle completely" jobs.

Suspicious yet? Associated Press reporter, why haven't you called? This is major news! Where the hell is my documentary crew?

The missus signs in and checks the Republican box, and the staff hands her a ballot and a pen and sends her off. She's scanning the sheet, looking for Our Man Ken Blackwell. He's not there. "Right at the top," say I. No, he's not there. Turns out the election workers in my Bluest of Blue counties have handed her...

[timpani sfx]

A Democratic Primary ballot!

C'mon, reporters! Here's your conspiracy! We're told the machines are down, and they hand my wife the wrong ballot!

Auugh! I've been disenfranchised! Get some hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!