Houseguests and Spider-Men

Damned if Spider-Man didn't make me miss my bus last night for the second time this week. (Yes, Spidey 3 is filming in Cleveland this week right outside my office window. It's been fun, but it's time to move on.)

Still, while waiting for the next bus, I saw a couple of families head over to watch the filming, and that lit up my heart. If I were 7 and my dad said, "Let's go downtown and look for Spider-Man," that would have been the greatest moment of my young life.

I've lost that loving feeling. I was the world's biggest Lord of the Rings fan at 12, but the best I could muster recently was to rent the first two movie installments on DVD; I haven't bothered with the third. Not that they're not brilliant films; I apparently grew up sometime in the last 25 years.

If you can avoid it, do.

Look, the first comic book I ever owned.

Kneel, Young

You know, I can't stand to listen to my own music (yeah, me too) after it's "released." I cringe physically. But damned if the lyrics to my "protest song" (mp3 link) don't kick the tar out of Neil Young's latest effort.

What if Al Qaeda blew up the levees?
Would New Orleans have been safer that way?

I mean, how friggin' tedious is that? Hmmm...I could really come up with a poignant, detail-driven portrait of a fallen soldier's family grappling with the mixed feelings of pride and resentment they harbor...or I could just cut and paste a few headlines from Daily Kos so they rhyme.

ADDENDUM: My lifetime achievement award for musical laziness, though, still goes to Public Enemy for recycling their pre-9/11 "protest song" on iTunes just in time to push Kerry over the top. Here's a rerun of my October 2004 post:

Public Enemy, iTunes Party Like It's 2001
Chuck D and crew arrive unfashionably early to Bush Bash bash; bring Schlitz

If you got burned dropping twenty bucks on Public Enemy's 2002 shitstorm Revolverlution, good news…thanks to iTunes, you can now get burned one song at a time! Like the man said in Robocop, "I'll buy that for a dollar!"

Chuck D and company used to be hard—at least that's what the Village Voice always said. Today, there's only one reason I don't believe Chuck is standing at the mic reading articles out of a years-old copy of Mother Jones he stole from the Air America lobby—I don't believe Air America has a lobby.

Erm, was President Johnson elected?

Apple today (October 26) posted the "new" and de facto controversial video "Son of a Bush" to promote last week's addition of the iTunes "exclusive" single of the same name. In short, it sounds like shit 'cause it is shit: it was produced not by the Bomb Squad but by former PE "Minister of Information" Professor Griff, he of "[Jews are responsible for] the majority of wickedness in the world" fame. Guess we're all chums again now that Jew-bashing is cool again.

Ever timely, Chuck and crew hit iTunes just days before the election. Apparently, though, nobody told Chuck what year it is. "Son of a Bush" is a cold leftover from Revolverlution and tackles the big issue on everyone's mind this election; namely, the fate of the U.S. Navy surveillance plane intercepted over China in April 2001. Why, oh why did Flav ever stop wearing all those clocks around his neck?

Bono Epidemic Spreads

Leonard Cohen is The Man. I made eye contact with him once on 48th Street in Manhattan, and he gave me that sublime smile that says, "Yes, I am who you're thinking I am. Now go in peace."

That may not seem much of a brush with greatness, but so legendary is the man that I still relate the story. His songs are so well crafted that he is the subject of one of perhaps two tribute albums that don't suck (that would be I'm Your Fan).

So it was with excitement that I cued up the trailer for the upcoming documentary I'm Your Man. And the first voice I hear in my headphones? B*no. Of course.

Cohen is so very special that B*no even yields the screen for five seconds so The Edge can have a word. Then B*no has another word. Then a pull quote on screen. And then the band B*onoizes a classic track. And B*no has another word and then there's a subtle seque into another U2 performance.

The few moments in the trailer where Cohen himself is allowed to speak (so as recount what a huge influence U2 were on him in the early '70s and the time B*no saved him from the burning Chelsea Hotel) are compelling. Someone who's seen the film, please let me know the Cohen/B*no ratio in the actual film so I can decide if my heart can take it.

UPDATE: To be fair, two other people are quoted in the trailer: Mel Gibson, who starred in The Million Dollar Hotel, which was based on an idea by B*no, and Wim Wenders, who directed The Million Dollar Hotel, Faraway, So Close! (the title of which is also a song on U2's Zooropa), and Until the End of the World (which is also a song on U2's Achtung Baby).

Beat Poet Beat-Down!

It's the 50th anniversary of the publication of Allen Ginsberg's "Howl," and James Bowman lays on the hurt here.

But what...[Ginsberg]...really means by the child-devouring monster [Moloch] is the ordinary responsibilities of adult life, from which he, like his successors in the pursuit of sex, drugs and rock ‘n’ roll, remained in headlong flight all his life.

Now that's poetry.

Say Goodnight, Katie

"And that's the way it is." - Walter Cronkite

"Courage." - Dan Rather

"And if you'd like to donate to the legal defense fund of anyone featured on tonight's broadcast, please call the number at the bottom of your screen." - Katie Couric

IF YOU PRICK SHARON STONE, DOES SHE NOT BLEED?

THE "CHICAGO SUN-TIMES COLUMNIST ROGER EBERT IS AN ASSWIPE WHO GAVE BASIC INSTINCT 2 TWO-AND-A-HALF STARS AND I HOPE SATAN SODOMIZES HIS FAT ASS IN HELL FOR ETERNITY" EDITION

"If I had no sense of humor, I would long ago have committed suicide."
- Mohandas Gandhi

"Lies make baby Jesus cry." - Todd Flanders

POSTED BY: THEY CALL ME... "SWEET SUNSHINE SHARONFAN."

Not surprised one bit to read the headline, New Today Co-Host an Anti-War Protester.

I mean, if you're not willing to come right out and threaten Bushitler's life, there's no way the network's gonna make you host on your own.



Obviously, "there were a lot pro-Bush folks" there too.

They Call Her "God Girl." I, Um, Don't.

Full disclosure: the lovely and talented Dawn Eden is a friend. No, we've not met in person. We've chatted on the phone a couple of times and emailed back and forth occasionally, and she's been everything a friend should be: honest, supportive, generous, and downright fun to talk to. Plus, she's a babe and has a collection of vinyl to die for.

Thing is, Dawn's not only deeply religious but a flat-out nice person. Me? I'm an atheist and a flat-out asshole. Dawn wouldn't want me to write this post, but again, that's because she's nice. I'm not. So that's why I'm writing this despite her wishes. A pissing match? Sign me up for the Olympic Extreme Pissing Team.

Although I've found the Weekend Journal a bit of a waste (hey, it came with my Wall Street Journal subscription), I was thrilled to see another Dawn Eden book review in print, this one of Cathleen Falsani's The God Factor. Score one for Dawn; without the review I would not have known such a book (or writer) existed, and I sure as hell wouldn't have come across it in my many hours lingering in the "Inspirational" section at Borders. Ms. Falsani, rest assured that I was not on hold, credit card in hand, waiting to order a 50 copies of your book when the cold harsh light of Dawn intervened.

Frankly, I thought the review was relatively positive; then again, as an Ain't It Cool News regular, I consider any review positive that doesn't contain the phrase "sucks sour frog ass." What criticism there was in the review was not of the author but of the overall conceit: compiled celebrity interviews about God. And who among us can deny that the one thing the world needs now is more opinions from celebrities? Paris Hilton, what do you think of steel tariffs anyway? The icing on the cake was certainly the illustration accompanying the review: an Enquirer-style magazine with friggin' Saint Paul Bono Vox Hewson Christ on the cover.

You want to hear my personal god factor, for free? Moses H. Schmoses ... I have come down from the mountain with but One Commandment: BONGO, THOU SHALT SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY. Amen.

Poor little Bongo... so much to say and so little opportunity. Please, people, let the man speak! God yields the floor to the humble folk singer from the hills of Ireland.

Back to our story. Dawn emailed me a link to Ms. Falsani's blog, which had already been altered (unannounced, natch). Seems this is how published authors handle criticism these days:



By the time I'd logged on, the "more thoughtful response" turned out to be just that, though highly abbreviated: all of the text below "The Dawn Eden Edition" had been excised.

Offended on Dawn's behalf -- particularly in proportion to the "sour-frog ass"-free softball review I'd read, I sent a comment. Not only was my comment apparently rejected by the moderator; the comment section was closed as well. Fair enough, but odd coming from a "cheerfully charming" interviewer comfortable chatting up Hugh Hefner about his "highest moral values."

As of today, the title remains the same, but the post has changed ... again unannounced ... and now featuring the Dalai Lama, involving yet another ball-less wonder in this mess. Posts come and go so quickly here!



Who knows, I too may have found Jesus, 'cause I'm hearing a voice in my head telling me to spread a new Gospel: Grow the fuck up.


Newsflash: Amazon customer Danusha Goska has written that "I wasn't crazy about this book as a whole." Ms. Goska might wish to consider adding that extra star to her review or perhaps begin hiring someone to start her car and taste her food.



UPDATE: Speaking of Bongo-bashing, this is priceless: The Edge, musing on U2's groundbreaking "ZooTV" tour, in which the band pulls down satellite broadcasts and rebroadcasts them on stage without permission in the name of Art -- in an interview conducted by two guys the band is suing for copyright infringement.

UPDATE 2 - UPDATE BOOGALOO: You want a bad review? YOU CAN'T HANDLE A BAD REVIEW!.

UPDATE 3 - UPDATE WITH A VENGEANCE: I won't be purchasing a copy of The God Factor (review copies gratefully accepted!), but if you're gonna read America's favorite pornographer's views on God, do yourself a favor and read this sobering look at the Hefner "legacy" as well.

Another Job "Americans Won't Do"

Consider this post my application to work at Air America Radio. From The Radio Equalizer:

While exiting day-to-day operations at Air America, [CEO Danny] Goldberg will continue in a minor, contractually-based role, working one day a week from home. Through the end of 2006, he'll be paid $400,000 on an annualized basis for his temporary role as "Vice-Chair".

I could so do that job. In fact, I'll even double my productivity by throwing in an extra one day a week at no extra compensation. Hell, I even have a plan to double the network's ratings over the summer, even if it does entail playing Franken's show really loud with my car windows down.

Be Headed

Thanks to this clever tool, I now know what I'd look like as a popular Danish building toy beheaded by a deranged Islamist: