Better Than I Know Myself

Boy, it's eerie how accurate those Netflix recommendations can be:

Pack 'n' Ship

New slogan for the 32X bus: All the sights and smells of the monkey house without a long trip to the zoo!

All I'm sayin' is that they really ought to slap one of those Darwin fishes on the back bumper.

And I'm thankful that, having struggled with my own mental health problems for decades, none of them ever precluded the use of soap.

Tales of Irony

The chalkboard over the counter at Starbucks is currently pimping for the film Akeelah and the Bee and encourages customers to "See it now at a cinama near you."

Did I mention it's a movie about a spelling bee?

Bloc Head

The "emo" and "multi-culti" band Bloc Party is the new critical darling of the British pop scene. And now, according to Billboard, frontman Kele Okereke has written a new song, "Hunting For Witches," in response to last year's bombings in London:

"The 30 bus in Hackney, which is just around the corner from where I live, was blown up. [The song was] written when I was just observing the reactions of the mainstream press. I guess the point about the song for me is post-September 11, the media has really traded on fear and the use of fear in controlling people."

That's right, the media has really traded on fear to control people. And the Islamists who killed 52 people who were just trying to get to work that morning? Well, that's just their way of saying, "We love you and just want to be friends."

Pssst... They know who blew up that bus, Kele. It wasn't witches.

Point, Interrupted

Check this lead paragraph from the front page of today's New York Times; allegedly the story is about condoms.

ROME, May 1 — Even at the Vatican, not all sacred beliefs are absolute: Thou shalt not kill, but war can be just. Now, behind the quiet walls, a clash is shaping up involving two poles of near certainty: the church's long-held ban on condoms and its advocacy of human life.

I can understand the reporter's confusion: At the New York Times, all liberal beliefs are sacred and absolute: Thou shalt not question.

Disenfranchised!

You know the fit Lucy of Peanuts fame goes into when confronted with "dog germs?" That's what I want to see.

So it's Election Day in Ohio, and the missus and I are informed that the much-hyped Diebold voting machines (the ones rigged to vote for Bush in 2004) aren't working. Sure enough, the machines are sitting idle. So, we're told we'll have to fill out scan sheets instead -- the little "fill in the circle completely" jobs.

Suspicious yet? Associated Press reporter, why haven't you called? This is major news! Where the hell is my documentary crew?

The missus signs in and checks the Republican box, and the staff hands her a ballot and a pen and sends her off. She's scanning the sheet, looking for Our Man Ken Blackwell. He's not there. "Right at the top," say I. No, he's not there. Turns out the election workers in my Bluest of Blue counties have handed her...

[timpani sfx]

A Democratic Primary ballot!

C'mon, reporters! Here's your conspiracy! We're told the machines are down, and they hand my wife the wrong ballot!

Auugh! I've been disenfranchised! Get some hot water! Get some disinfectant! Get some iodine!